Save my marriage is a cry of despair heard so often in so many marriages everywhere. The cry is heard from both husbands and wives who entered into the relationship with great expectations of happiness and fulfillment. Too often the ship of matrimony was launched in troubled waters and began sinking soon after sailing.
But, you’re determined to save your marriage and screaming for help from a rickety lifeboat of broken dreams and promises. It’s hard to admit to a marriage gone bad and find yourself in a state of denial. No one wants to admit failure. You cling to any hope that some one or some thing may rescue a dying love.
There are no magic words that can miraculously heal a failing marriage but sometimes they can steer you in the right direction to accept reality. It’s certainly more difficult, if not impossible, if only one person in the relationship wants it to be saved. Both parties need to make an effort to recapture the old feeling and strive for healing.
Marriages are easier to save when repair begins early although many say they were not even aware anything was wrong. Couples get too busy or wrapped up in their personal needs to watch for tell-tell signs of a down hill slide.
Signs could include the spouse beginning to refer to “me” rather than “we.” When one spouse becomes only interested in what is good for them then the desire to continue in a relationship is fading. Lack of affection is another sign the spouse is losing interest as is staying away from home for any reason, however lame.
Refusing to go to counseling is another sign of a marriage gone or going south. Both must work together for a marriage to succeed. Both must willingly accept counseling for it to work and mend. If a partner won’t discuss problems with you, it’s likely they won’t open up to a counselor either.
You overlook the small and petty things that may annoy you when you’re in love and the marriage is on steady ground. If criticism becomes a common conversation, bad news is on the way. Values and commitments change but love and respect should remain constant.
Marriages have been saved by change even on the part of only one spouse. If you sincerely want to save your marriage, you must be willing to concede, no matter who is right or wrong.
When one changes, it brings on a change in the other. You need joy in your life and you won’t find it by being angry and brooding just because you know you’re right. Forgive and be forgiven. Change and be changed.
It’s possible a marriage is over and you must accept the fact and move on for the sake of yourself and your family. But, if you’re determined to make it work, seek help from counselors, clergy, family and friends. Be flexible and creative. Concentrate on what might work instead of proving you’re right. A marriage saved is worth it.