Saving your marriage is no easy trick. With the divorce rate increasing each year one must wonder how the institution of marriage has survived this long. Marriage problems can surface immediately after the wedding or can become evident many years later.
No matter when problems rear their ugly head in a marriage steps must be taken as soon as possible to rectify the situation or resign yourself to defeat. There are many ways to mend a troubled marriage including counseling. Many couples fail to seek counseling soon enough as their problems get more serious and more difficult to resolve.
Marriage counseling is relatively new, as most counseling goes, being around for about 50 years, give or take a decade. At first, it was not a popular method of treatment with macho husbands saying if our marriage has problems we can solve them ourselves. And, sometimes this is true.
More often than not couples need guidance to see themselves as they really are and not how they think they are. Marriage counseling has been viewed as having real value only for the last twenty years or so.
It’s hard to pinpoint the exact time of recognized value because counseling is not for everyone and counselors realize that. They also realize that a counselor who has helped one marriage may not be able to help another. Find one you’re comfortable with.
Counseling is more effective when the couple is committed to resolving their problems and is sincere in seeking help. Counselors teach acceptance and this means accepting and respecting your spouse’s views and habits even though you may not agree and find certain habits annoying. Remember, you’re merging two different lives in a marriage and your goal is to emerge as one, stronger yet malleable.
Counselors want you to communicate. It’s not unusual for one person in a marriage to be talkative and expressive while the other is detached and unable to express their feelings. It’s obvious both are suffering pain even though one appears to be doing all the suffering because they express themselves and how they’re feeling and how they hurt.
It’s the counselor’s job to find the reason for the pain and to replace it with love. Seems simple, huh? Well, you obviously loved your spouse before the marriage and more than likely it’s still there sulking somewhere beneath the pain. Counselors enable the couple to once again grasp that love which will heal the pain.
Relax. It’s good if you can relax together but don’t wait for your spouse to begin relaxation techniques which can be learned and taught to the other. Relaxation makes communication easier both with the counselor and your spouse. It’s difficult to achieve self understanding when you’re uptight. When you strive for inner calm, your attitude improves and so will your marriage.
Your marriage can be saved if you strive for acceptance, communication and relaxation. It takes practice and devotion. You can achieve these things on your own but a marriage counselor can sometimes speed the process.