If asked if intimacy is missing in your marriage the first thought that comes to mind is sex. Intimacy can refer to more than just sex. If couples are intimate this could mean they reveal their innermost feelings and desires.
They have an emotional intimacy that has created a loving bond that will sustain them in any crisis. Intimacy for some can mean holding hands, walking together or sharing laughter.
As couples age and the love matures, intimacy has different meanings depending on the stage of marriage. At first, love and romance were everywhere and you couldn’t get enough of each other in every way.
You wanted to crawl inside the other person and breathe their very breath. You shared intimacy in every way and every day. Nothing would keep you from being together every moment possible.
Later, as you become more familiar with each other, desire and intimacy fade. This doesn’t mean love is gone, it just means some find fulfillment in other ways other than being intimate. You think showing love is no longer necessary and you begin to take your spouse for granted. These gestures, or lack thereof, promote feelings of loneliness and emptiness.
If no intimacy exists, rather than seek an end to the relationship, you stay together for other reasons. One of the biggest reasons for remaining in a relationship with no intimacy is children. Couples will remain unhappily together for the sake of the children.
Others stay together because it would ruin both financially to split the assets. Religious convictions can prevent seeking divorce and some see no alternative but to endure the situation.
It may be no comfort to you, but lack of intimacy in marriage is not uncommon. If you have sex less than ten times a year, you fall in the 18% category of all married couples who are classified as sexless. The average? Surveys show most married couples have sex about once every week.
About 1 in 4 married persons grumble about a complete and constant disinterest in having sex. Both men and women complain about a lack of sex drive while others regardless of age are having a satisfying marriage filled with intimacy. What’s the difference?
Happily married couples are able to communicate about their needs and desires. Problems with intercourse can many times be solved with intercourse…pun intended.
You must stop denying the problem and get it out in the open. If both parties are healthy you should be enjoying a fulfilled marriage overflowing with intimacy. An honest talk could disclose the problem lies with an unmentioned disappointment or depression.
If you blame lack of physical attraction and boredom for your decreased interest in sex then do something about it by seeking help and becoming more attentive to your partner’s needs.
When communicating about the problems, be yourself and be confident. This can be a turn-on in itself. Being a friend to your spouse is good until it comes to sex. Then friendship is not enough. You have a right to intimacy in marriage. Find the true cause and be happy.