Marriage Tips for Newlyweds in Rough Waters
No matter how long you’ve been married, the relationship will have problems. You probably remember your mom and dad arguing and they had been married forever, or so it seemed. New marriages are no different. You’re going to have arguments, fights and disagreements even though a short while ago, before the marriage, you thought your partner could do no wrong.
Now that you’re married you may have noticed a few changes in your spouse’s personality along with things that just downright annoy you. Go ahead talk about it, even argue a little, but fight fair. Fighting fair is something your mom and did learned over the years and could be the reason they’re still together. A fair fight or argument can save your marriage too.
Don’t let little petty annoyances bother you until it builds up and explodes into a full blown fight. Small things are easier to solve than larger ones and the longer you wait before addressing the issue the bigger it becomes.
Know what the issue is and stick to it. If you outline exactly what the problem is it’s easier to work out ways to solve the problem. Make a list of the problems and what can be done to remedy the situation.
Brainstorm until you either resolve the difference or become too tired to continue. Many times if you go to bed and sleep on it you forget what the argument was about anyway especially if you snuggle.
Change one bad habit at a time. As you do this, make an effort to replace the bad habit with a good one. This gives you both a goal to strive for. Share these goals and work toward them. When you achieve a goal, no matter how small, reward yourself or each other.
Keep your voice calm and don’t scream and yell. A loud voice will only provoke more anger and resentment. Be honest with yourself and believe you can change a bad habit if you sincerely want to, no matter how long you had this habit before you were married. It probably didn’t seem so bad then.
A fair fight is no name calling and not bringing up skeletons from the past. In the heat of an argument it’s easy for bad words to tumble out of your mouth and once they’re out there there’s no getting them back. Harsh word and accusations about one’s past can be needlessly hurtful. This is your new life, the past is over and you move forward together from this point on.
Be willing to forgive. You may beg for forgiveness yourself one day. When you hold on to grudges and past hurts and disappointments it’s hard to forgive. You must be open and honest and know that neither one of you is perfect. True forgiveness takes time so be patient. If you continue to brood and even seek revenge, the pain will linger and the marriage waters will never smooth.
Be willing to make a commitment. This means accepting the consequences which may be a bitter pill to swallow. No one said marriage would always be smooth sailing but if you both paddle together in the same direction even the rough waters can be fun.