Failed Relationships: Can you still save yours?
A relationship has never failed until one of you gives up. One partner in the relationship can keep trying and sometimes win but without both of you willing to rethink the situation, reconciliation is difficult.
There are many good reasons why you would not want to salvage a broken relationship. If one of the partners has been verbally or physically abusive, a crime has been committed or infidelity is involved, it’s probably best to accept the way the cards were dealt and fold your hand. That’s not to say that even in these situations a way back can’t be found.
If both of you, after all that’s happened, still love each other and agree to once again strive for marital harmony, then reunion is possible. Love brought you together in the beginning and it can again but know that it won’t be easy. Even love is not enough. It also takes a will to succeed and persevere. It won’t happen overnight so you must have patience and willingness to compromise.
Before convincing your spouse to follow your lead, make sure you know where you’re going. Clear up your own problems and admit to any faults you might have that led to marriage failure. If the blame falls on you, admit it and do something about it. Until you’ve healed your own soul don’t look for sins in another’s.
Look at the problems that brought you to this point from your partner’s point of view. Hopefully, you both can sit down and discuss your feelings and hurts. Once you understand how the other feels and view the situation through their eyes, it’s easier to mend the hurt and move forward.
If you’re still together and trying to salvage a failed marriage, let your spouse know you love and appreciate them by emphasizing the positive side of your relationship. Offer compliments when earned and you’ll probably get them in return.
If you slip again, apologize and say you’re sorry. It’s the one who admits wrong who wins the fight. Know that wrong doing can only be forgiven so many times and be prepared for the consequences.
Find time to be together, especially if lack of quality bonding time is the cause of the problem. Spend time together enjoying a common interest or pastime. It could be a hobby, a game or a household project that was put on hold because of conflict.
Bonding is a great way to forget about problems you may be facing and place you in a better frame of mind to handle them. Being together is one of the best ways to show each other that they’re special and you care.
If you’re marriage is not salvageable, resign yourself to know that it’s better to let go than to live a life of misery. Give yourself a brief time to get angry, remember the good times while having a pity party and then move on. Enlist the support of family and friends and be content with the knowledge that someone out there loves you and is waiting.