Marriage Tips for Newlyweds in Rough Waters

Marriage Tips for Newlyweds in Rough Waters
No matter how long you’ve been married, the relationship will have problems. You probably remember your mom and dad arguing and they had been married forever, or so it seemed. New marriages are no different. You’re going to have arguments, fights and disagreements even though a short while ago, before the marriage, you thought your partner could do no wrong.

Now that you’re married you may have noticed a few changes in your spouse’s personality along with things that just downright annoy you. Go ahead talk about it, even argue a little, but fight fair. Fighting fair is something your mom and did learned over the years and could be the reason they’re still together. A fair fight or argument can save your marriage too.

Don’t let little petty annoyances bother you until it builds up and explodes into a full blown fight. Small things are easier to solve than larger ones and the longer you wait before addressing the issue the bigger it becomes.

Know what the issue is and stick to it. If you outline exactly what the problem is it’s easier to work out ways to solve the problem. Make a list of the problems and what can be done to remedy the situation.

Brainstorm until you either resolve the difference or become too tired to continue. Many times if you go to bed and sleep on it you forget what the argument was about anyway especially if you snuggle.

Change one bad habit at a time. As you do this, make an effort to replace the bad habit with a good one. This gives you both a goal to strive for. Share these goals and work toward them. When you achieve a goal, no matter how small, reward yourself or each other.

Keep your voice calm and don’t scream and yell. A loud voice will only provoke more anger and resentment. Be honest with yourself and believe you can change a bad habit if you sincerely want to, no matter how long you had this habit before you were married. It probably didn’t seem so bad then.

A fair fight is no name calling and not bringing up skeletons from the past. In the heat of an argument it’s easy for bad words to tumble out of your mouth and once they’re out there there’s no getting them back. Harsh word and accusations about one’s past can be needlessly hurtful. This is your new life, the past is over and you move forward together from this point on.

Be willing to forgive. You may beg for forgiveness yourself one day. When you hold on to grudges and past hurts and disappointments it’s hard to forgive. You must be open and honest and know that neither one of you is perfect. True forgiveness takes time so be patient. If you continue to brood and even seek revenge, the pain will linger and the marriage waters will never smooth.

Be willing to make a commitment. This means accepting the consequences which may be a bitter pill to swallow. No one said marriage would always be smooth sailing but if you both paddle together in the same direction even the rough waters can be fun.

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Marriage Therapy to Help Save Your Relationship

There are many reasons to seek therapy in an effort to save your marriage. From the time you say your wedding vows, and before, it seems the world is conspiring against you and your spouse.

Just a few of the problems most marriages encounter sooner or later include boredom, lack of communication, no sex, affection and even infidelity. Some marriages experience physical or verbal abuse or complain that the spouse shows no appreciation. And, yes, there is such a thing as midlife crises that can lead to problems, separation and even divorce. This unfortunately is just a short list.

Your background can make you a more likely candidate for therapy. You’re more likely to need therapy if you married at an early age. Young people tend to be impulsive about marriage and often do it as rebellion against their parents. Maturity helps you make more rational decisions about your mate.

Other situations that more often lead to the need for therapy are low income couples and those who are under educated. Money, or the lack thereof, is always a problem in marriage and low income families have difficulty in affording proper help or don’t know where to find it.

Interfaith marriages and couples who have divorced parents are also starting off with two strikes against them. But, therapy is especially helpful in these areas. Any one of these problems is reason enough to seek therapy and many marriages experience more than one.

It’s often too much to try and go it alone and help can be found in many ways and many places. Make sure the therapist or counselor you select is skilled in marital matters and can help you overcome marriage difficulties as a couple.

A good therapist should be focused on a solution with the ultimate goal of saving your marriage and avoiding divorce. Reaching a solution may require a different time frame depending on the type of problem but beware of those who keep you coming back too long with no end in sight. In this case, his goal may be only to solve his money problems.

Don’t wait too long to seek help. The longer you wait the more serious the problems can become. Too, the younger you are the more likely you are to see success. Older marriages often get too set in their ways to be flexible. Seek help while you’re still in love and open to change. Yes, you can be deeply in love with your spouse and still need guidance for a happy and successful marriage.

If lack of money or not wanting to share with strangers is keeping you from seeking assistance then search for help on line on the Internet. There are many qualified people who have written books on almost any problem you might have.

These are inexpensive and can be used in the privacy of your own home by you and your spouse. Studies show that therapy works and the success rate is high. But, it’s up to you to initiate the process.




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Marriage Test

Are you ready for marriage? Most young couples (and older) never ask that question before committing the rest of their life to someone for better or worse. Of course, you always think the worse will never happen so it’s a moot point. Don’t count on it. About half of all marriages fail and most within the first five years.

Marriages can be filled with turmoil beginning as early as the honeymoon. After all, here are two diverse persons merging into one with different ideas about everything from sex to food. Sure you got to know each other somewhat during the courting period but there is more truth than fiction in the old saying that you never know a person until you marry them.

Maybe there should be a test to determine if your marriage will succeed or fail. Actually, there are many such tests and some declare a high percentage of accuracy. You can access these tests on line, get them in books or have them administered by a marriage counselor.

Questions vary and so do evaluations but taking a test, if you are honest and sincere, can at the very least give you an indication if you’re ready for a lifetime commitment. Taking the test may indicate answers to important questions on whether you believe marriage takes work or just happens naturally. Few marriages succeed on a daily “let’s see what happens” basis.

Taking on a spouse means that you’re grown up now and must behave like adults. Are you ready both emotionally and financially to survive on your own? Or, at the first sign of trouble would you ask your parents for help? A marriage that’s financially and emotionally secure is more likely to succeed.

Can you talk with your spouse? Do you have lots of give and take in the discussions or do they erupt in arguments? Strive to listen to your partner and be willing to change. Each partner expects the support of the other whether right or wrong. It’s a successful marriage that can accept change instead of demanding it. As you work together to solve problems, the bond grows stronger.

Do you share the same goals? It’s extremely important to know your partner’s dreams and ambitions. After the glow of the honeymoon has faded, your life will be built around future plans and dreams. If your philosophies differ, it will be difficult to pull in the same direction.

Some questions may seem trivial but are far from it. Do you think of your spouse when apart and do you anticipate seeing them? How often do you touch or kiss your spouse? Do you share the same work ethics and views on politics and religion? Taking a marriage test can give you a meaningful insight into what might be in store for your marriage. But, regardless of the tests’ results, the ultimate success is up to you.

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Marriage Support for Husbands and Wives

One of the great benefits of marriage is support you receive from your spouse. One of you comes home after a hard days work and you feel like nothing can make you smile again. Perhaps you’ve wrecked the car and found out the husband or wife failed to renew the collision insurance.

Facing these situations alone would be almost unbearable, but with support and understanding from your spouse, the worst case scenario doesn’t seem so bad. You’re there for each other to lift up, inspire and find workable solutions. Two is a much stronger number than one. It’s twice as strong and grows stronger as each problem is overcome.

There is no doubt that successful marriages have become proficient in handling conflicts that occur in all marriages sooner or later. Conflicts and disagreements arise concerning finances, sex, infidelity, housework and even cultural differences.

Other problems husbands and wives face may be how to be a good parent and keep your family healthy. Many marriages have been prone to domestic violence and trouble with in-laws.

So, with all the support you gain from each other you might ask the question who supports the supporter? There are many ways and places you can obtain support for a marriage in trouble. But, a good time to begin seeking support is before trouble is evident and possibly beyond repair.

Seek help early. As in most early marriages money may be in short supply and you’ll need to obtain help as cheaply as possible. Inexpensive but quality help can be found on line through ebooks and email.

Conferences are held frequently by various churches and organizations offering a one to three day seminar teaching how to solve marital problems. Many may be available in your home town but don’t be opposed to traveling to a conference out of town and make it a romantic getaway.

Workshops and educational opportunities are also easy to find at local schools, colleges and other organizations. Your pastor or chamber of commerce could provide you with a list of upcoming classes on support for marriages for both husbands and wives.

These support groups teach you to overcome the past, obtain tactfully what you want and need while creating methods of loving and understanding your spouse. One of the main problems in marriage is communication and how to approach issues gently and softly. You’ll learn than often it’s best to be kind, thoughtful and flexible and concede to the other person at times.

You’ll gain support in maintaining a positive attitude, decrease tension and develop true understanding. Gain a positive perspective of your mate and your future. It is a wise marriage that seeks support.

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Marriage Retreat: What’s in Store for Couples in Therapy?

Professionals call them marriage retreats but in fact it could be a giant step forward for you and your spouse. In reality however, it is a retreat or a time to step back and reevaluate and rediscover each other. It’s an opportunity to discuss the strengths and weaknesses of your marriage.

Marriage retreats are delivered in many forms and fashions. Some are religious based and some are not. Others combine the spiritual need with the secular. Retreats are offered as group therapy and on an individual basis depending on your needs and your degree of openness.

Different retreats have different goals and methods. Some advocate that marriage should be preserved at any price. Others teach there are times when it’s best to dissolve the relationship and move forward. Almost all therapists urge you to put the past behind you and start living again. You’re encouraged to anticipate the future as you build it together.

Reasons to attend a marriage retreat can be as varied as the problems that beset your marriage. You may be experiencing a lack of physical and emotional abuse or intimacy. One or the other could have been unfaithful and forgiveness seems unthinkable. Or, it could be a case of mid-life crises. All these problems are real and solvable with proper love, commitment and determination to approach them together as a team.

Examine your marriage and be honest. Are you constantly arguing, fighting and being hurt? Do you feel alone, lost, frustrated and angry? Do you wonder why you ever thought marriage could be blissful and are now considering separation or even divorce?

Marriage retreats offer you, first of all, a chance to get away from the demands of everyday pressures usually in beautiful and serene surroundings conducive to relaxation and inspiration. It provides you with an environment to rekindle your love as you understand why you’re feeling as you are.

You also learn how to enhance your marriage even though you feel the differences in your character, personality and perception of what’s important are drastically diverse. The need for rediscovering each other and what drew you together in the first place has never been greater.

Marriage retreat therapists are skilled in helping you understand and resolving your differences and allowing you to gain insight into your particular situation while teaching how to effectively communicate. You’ll learn skills of communicating in a fair and focused manner. Remember, it’s a team effort and support will be given to you both.

The time to seek help is when you first detect a deterioration of your marriage but retreats can be helpful even if you’ve tied a knot at the end of your rope and you’re trying to hang on.

Retreats are not a miracle cure but it provides you a path in the right direction. Some are expensive and some merely ask for a donation. Talk it over with your spouse and decide which is best for you. A retreat could be the best step forward you will take.

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Have a Garage Sale

Garage sales are a fun way to make some extra money, get rid of old stuff you no longer use and help the environment by recycling. But, to have a successful garage sale it takes hard work and planning. It’s easier if you involve your family. Many hands make light work, you know.

Invite your neighbors or friends to bring their items over and to help set up. The more things you have for sale the more potential customers you’ll attract. Plus, they can help with the advertising costs, sign placement, price marking and just keeping an eye on the money and the merchandise.

Start with accumulating items long before you have a garage sale if possible. That’s not to say a spur of the moment sale won’t be successful as well. Place things for sale to one side where you won’t have to be looking for them on the day of the sale. Go ahead and write the price on a sticker and put it in plain view, not on the bottom. The more things you get done ahead of time, the more you’ll enjoy the day.

Signs can bring extra traffic to your sale because not everyone reads the paper. Make sure your sign is readable and not too flexible. If it bends in the wind, people won’t be able to read it. The same goes for small print. Write in large, bold letters. Obtain permission to place your sign if it’s on private property. Some cities prohibit garage sale signs anywhere. You should also place flyers on community bulletin boards.

Hide or cover anything that’s not for sale. Be friendly but let them shop and buy. Prices should be about a quarter of what it cost new, as a rule of thumb. Be careful about putting too much sentimental value in the price.

You want to earn extra money but if you don’t want the item anyway, sell it and not have to re-store it. In pricing, remember you can always go down but not up. Be fair on pricing and expect bargaining. Always be truthful on the condition of an item. It’s best to point out any flaws before the purchase.

Don’t have a garage sale on a holiday weekend. Try to pick a weekend that good weather is forecast. Too hot or too wet can ruin your chances of making money. Display merchandise attractively. Don’t pile everything on top of each other where customers have to waste time digging.

Place a few interesting items near the roadway. Light music is okay but not too loud. Guard your money and watch for shoplifters. Most people are honest and rarely is there a problem. By the way, have plenty of change on hand along with plenty of bags for purchased items.

When the sale is over count your money and take down any signs you’ve put in people’s yard or on the roadways. Remember as the old saying goes, “One man’s trash is another person’s treasure.” Almost everyone, rich and poor, spends money at garage sales.

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Marriage Issues Don’t Happen Suddenly

A country singing star once commented that it just took him 20 years to become an overnight success. He probably didn’t even recognize the process himself but each song, each concert, took him one step closer to stardom.

Each public appearance garnered him a few more fans until they numbered in the thousands. Suddenly he was a star who some considered an overnight success. They failed to recognize the long road traveled and the almost imperceptible changes in the artist that made him better and better.

Marriage can become an overnight success too but it may take you 20 years or more to believe it. The failure of marriage can also happen suddenly because you didn’t recognize the signs of trouble day after day. Marriage issues creep into our lives and can go unnoticed for years while eating away at love’s foundation. Some issues can cause bigger problems than others.

Alcoholism is an issue that can slowly alter a marriage until it leads to separation or divorce. The drinking issue resulted in only a minor argument when your spouse had one too many at a party but the problem grew. Soon, they wouldn’t stop with one or two drinks, it was several drinks every day. Drinking continues until they begin to pass out and have no idea how they got home.

Slowly you notice the beginning of binge drinking and the promises made but not kept. They’re probably drinking at work where you won’t notice. Too much drinking often leads to abuse and violence. Then it’s easier to spot. Alcoholics are married to the bottle not to you. You wish you would have been aware of the problem sooner, when there was hope.

A controlled relationship is also an issue than can grow slowly. This is where one person begins to feel manipulated or intimidated. Control is increased little by little and gets faster when the controller meets no resistance. You failed to notice it at first and many times you figure it’s best to allow the control to keep peace and avoid a confrontation.

Be aware of the controller’s low self esteem and feelings of inadequacy. Refuse to become timid and passive or over time it could lead to more power and abuse. Just say no and mean it when you say you’re not going to change your mind. If there is no change then know the controller loves power more than you and you may have to terminate the relationship.

Trust can dwindle over the years and go unnoticed because it’s an issue you don’t want to admit. If you can’t trust your spouse, then who can you trust? Again watch for consistent broken promises that become more frequent while your trust turns into mistrust. You feel you can forgive only so much and so long. A marriage without trust is difficult to heal and continue.

There are many more issues that can slowly infect a marriage and when you finally become aware of them it’s as if they unexpectedly materialize. A successful marriage is a watchful one.

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Marriage Advice for Men


Men like to think of themselves as dragon slayers. If a wife is having a big problem with a project, the husband is right there to help. Most men usually bring home the paycheck and enjoy the feeling of being the prime provider. They’ve made sure the home is nice, the family is clothed and food is on the table.

All the necessary things are taken care of and you can relax with a beer and TV remote in your hand. Or, better yet, stop by the men’s club (or local bar) and swap stories with the guys. No need to call the wife. She’s too busy to talk anyway while taking care of the kids and getting dinner ready. Everything is fine and as it should be.

If you’re a husband and this sounds familiar, you might want to take stock of how your marriage is doing. How long have you been in this routine? Is this how it was from day one of your marriage or did you gradually slip into this scenario and it felt so good you didn’t want to change.

Yeah, the wife complained once in a while, but what wife didn’t? You may have been there physically for the little woman but emotionally you were somewhere else. A good marriage requires both partners to be there for each other physically and emotionally.

Maybe it’s time to reinvent your marriage and make it a union with shared happiness and responsibilities. Maybe it’s time to sit down with your wife and ask her if she’s happy and if she’d want you home more. Don’t talk to your wife but talk with her. Communication is a two way conversation with each listening to the other’s points of view.

Commit to making yours a better marriage and it may be the best thing you’ve ever done. The guys don’t even have to know but it may show in your new attitude about life and love. It’s not a sissy thing to do. As a matter of fact, you may feel more macho than you’ve felt in a long time.

Start with remembering those special days. Keeping a list would be wise such as anniversaries and birthdays. Include smaller but sentimental times you’ve shared together that only the two of you would remember. Do something special on that day. At least send a card and a little original poetry would be nice. You might cook her a meal for a change or take her to dinner.

Toast your wife when you sit down to eat. No alcohol necessary. It’s the thought that counts. Tell at least one thing you love about her. A toast doesn’t have to be saved for special occasions either.

Make room for romance in your life with the love of your life. Break up your routine and be more spontaneous. Do something thoughtful for your wife everyday, or at least often.
Compliment her and do it sincerely. Take photos of your times together and surprise her with an album of memories later.

The secret to a happy marriage lies in learning to value your wife’s needs and desires as much as you do your own. She’s the one you picked to share your life with. It’s largely up to you to make it enjoyable and worthwhile.


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Difference between Marriage and Dating


Dating is a lot like watching previews of a new romantic movie that’s about to come out. The scenes switch swiftly from one intriguing part to another while seductive music fills the theater and makes the emotions soar.

You watch extreme close-ups of beautiful people while they pledge their undying love for each other. In one scene they’re on a sun drenched beach frolicking in the surf, while in the next they’re holding hands across the table at a candle lit dinner. Finally, his lips meet hers as they fall into a pillow laden bed while the director fades to black.

When you pay to see the entire movie you discover the relationship is not all love, passion and kisses. The love struck couple wakes up the next morning or soon thereafter to a life of reality that’s not all bronzed bodies, expensive dinners and deep breathless kisses. They usually find they’re not right for each other at all and regret the blind love that led them into this mess.

Be aware that dating is a preview of coming attractions but you have to keep your eyes open to learn what’s to come as the relationship progresses and eventually leads to marriage.

When you’re dating, you put your best foot (and all the rest of you too) forward. You’re both on your best behavior and constantly trying to please the other. If only marriage could continue to be like this. The good news is, sometimes it is.

One of the main differences between marital and dating relationships is marital relationships are supposed to be forever. With a date you can simply say get lost but with a spouse it’s a little more difficult and complicated. So, do your dating homework and enjoy selecting a lifetime partner.

Ask yourself if both share common lifetime goals. Marry someone who wants the same thing in life as you. Marriage is hard enough pulling together, much less going in different directions.

Notice how your date treats other people. Are they nice to their parents as well as waiters and sales clerks? Is your date considerate of your feelings and concerned with giving you pleasure? Hopefully, these things will remain the same whether married or single.

Is your date appreciative of the things he or she has or do they think the world owes them a living? If your date is comfortable with the status quo and you’re a more aggressive goal oriented person, this may cause a conflict when you enter into the marital relationship. Are they seeking growth or are they content to be comfortable and let the world pass them by?

If you can’t trust them and communicate with them while dating, it likely won’t change after marriage. Communicate by sharing your thoughts and dreams and learn if you’re on the same wavelength for the future. Be objective and ask questions. While you’re dating you seek the perfect mate who gives you respect, love and truth. When you’re married you expect it.

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Jealousy The Destroyer of Marriages

Jealousy is that green eyed monster that’s hiding in the deep recesses of an insecure mind and once it gets loose it’s hard to control. Jealousy has destroyed many marriages and those that survived went through a period of anger and resentment. When a spouse is jealous, he can make the other spouse miserable as well as making friends and family uncomfortable.

Jealousy is an emotion that’s within you. It’s within us all but most of us control this emotion with trust and respect. Heaven help the person when jealousy gets the upper hand.

Usually, there’s no cause for jealousy and the emotion surfaces because you have no trust in yourself. You have feelings of insecurity and inadequacy and don’t believe anyone could possibly be satisfied with only you.

People who suffer from jealousy are also typically selfish. They’re only concerned about themselves and what can be done for them. They view their spouse’s attention to someone or something else as a sign of not caring for them. A selfish and jealous person doubts they themselves could the trusted if the temptation arises and that doubt is demonstrated with distrust and jealousy.

The issue of trust can arise daily as we go about our everyday routine. We’re away from each other and come in contact with others. This is viewed by a jealous person as an opportunity for a spouse to stray and they do everything possible to prevent that.

A few jealousy possessed persons resort to following their spouse and even threaten them in front of others. It’s an embarrassing situation that’s followed by a barrage of questions on what actually transpired during the encounter.

Has your spouse ever cheated on you and given you reason not to trust them? Truth be known, probably nothing is going on to merit your distrust. If your marriage is to survive, you must develop the virtue of trust. Show you love them enough to trust them. Trust, like jealousy, is an emotion that’s within you. Which emotion you use is up to you.

Jealousy leads to possessiveness. The only way you possess anything is to give it freedom. This is true with animals as it is with humans. It’s especially true in marriage. If someone is going to cheat in a marriage, they’re more likely to do so in one that’s not happy. Trust someone and they’ll respect you. It’s not likely they’ll do anything to hurt someone they respect and love.

Seek the truth and believe the truth being told to you. If you discover later that you were right in your suspicions, then you’re no worse off. A person who desecrates the vows of marriage by straying is never truly happy within themselves. You, by being trusting and faithful are experiencing a happy and joyful marriage. Find comfort in knowing your worst suspicions are rarely realized.

Jealousy is a strong emotion that’s sometime impossible to control. If this is the case, seek help from family and friends. This is often not enough and professional help is required. Believe in yourself and defy that monster to show its ugly green eyes.

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